Friday, March 25, 2011

Being back home..

It amazes me how my entire world has been shaken & put completely upside down and back, I feel like a new person.. I come home to everyone doing the same thing.. not much has changed, no one has really changed. I really think traveling is the best experience for everyone because it REALLY opens your eyes to the fact that what's going on at home isn't all there is, there is a WHOLE world out there. I am a changed woman, really. I suddenly know exactly what I want out of life, where I want to go, the things I cherish most, who is really important, and what I look forward to. Before I was very lost and confused, I had no clue what kind of life I wanted. I have finally learned how to enjoy the ride of life, it doesn't matter what you wear or how much money you have or the car you drive, at the end of my life I want to have experienced life to the fullest living for adventure and new beginnings - not keeping up with the jones the whole time! This world is beautiful & home is where your heart is, which can be anywhere in the world. I have found that my family is my main priority and spending as much time with them as I can and to start saving my money for things that are going to make a mark in my life, not a new outfit that I will forget about a couple months from now. My mind set is completely in a different place then it was 6 months ago. For how much I really did love traveling I have learned that I am happiest surrounded by the ones I love and the ones that love me and have become so much more grateful for the family and life I have been given. I am so thankful for the choices I have made and all the mistakes I have made because I couldn't be any happier with the way my life has turned out and the people who are apart of it!! XXOO

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Queen of Hearts Birth Card

Sooo a certain someone showed me this awhile back and I had never heard of it. This is my "birth card" and honestly I found it quite funny how much it fits me.
The Queen of Hearts Person -The Mother Card
As the ‘double Neptune’ card, the Queen of Hearts has its share of idealism. All of these people possess a certain charm and magnetism that attracts others. They are the ‘mothers of love ‘ and share this love with all they come in contact with.
They either get married and devote themselves to family or get involved in some professional career. They have more than average ability to be a success in many professions and especially good luck in professions where men predominate.
These people are very sweet, attractive, sociable and loving. They can be very successful artists or performers and all have an appreciation for art and beauty. Many are aware of and make use of their abundance of psychic or musical ability.
As long as their idealism is guided by truth, they can live the life of love and nurturing that is their birthright. This is the “Loving Mother” card. Their calling in life has to include sharing their love with others and the more, the better.
When operating on the lower levels, they can be overly self-indulgent,lazy, frivolous, and into the ‘good life’. This is anastrology birth card of enjoyment of the sensual pursuits and experiences. There are many co-dependents, escapists, andalcoholics(LOL!) among the Queen of Hearts as well.
Once they set their sights in line with their high ideals and are ready to renounce laziness and complacency, there is no limit to how high they can climb in their work and career.
Some of the Queen of Hearts Issues Concerning Relationships:
The people of this card are usually attracted to those of power and financial strength. These are the ‘darlings’ of the deck. A female Queen of Hearts represents “The woman that all men dream of”. She is naturally blessed with all the feminine qualities that can make for a perfect wife or love partner.
They are charming and devoted to their families and their ideals of love. There is a certain gaity and innocence about them and one would hesitate to ever criticize them for anything. Still, their ideals may be too high and sometimes
they will attract a partner that will bring them ‘back to earth’.Hopefully, the fall will not be too high or too hard.
In some cases the Queen of Heart’s charm turns to indecision and a certain disregard for the feelings of others. They can play the field with success or will sometimes attract a partner who is unfaithful or indecisive.

Monday, March 7, 2011

What your REALLY eating.

I recently watched the documentary Food, inc. which I highly recommend everyone to watch. I have read Skinny Bitch before, but there wasn't exactly the visualization going on in my mind of what they were describing so it didn't really strike me too hard. I like Food, inc. because of the perspective they took on it all. Its not all about how its murder to kill animals and eat them and your wrong if you eat meat, blah blah blah.. they more so were pushing the thought that most of America isn't educated on what we are really eating and if we were to know we would all be healthier. I had absolutely no idea what was going on that the USDA is hiding from us. I feel disgusted by the things that I have been putting into my body. I am really looking forward to changing my diet and detoxing.

First of all, they are mass producing these animals so that they can keep up with the needs from Americans.. to do this they have to pile the animals literally on top of each other in a room where they are all pooping and peeing and eating and fighting with no space to even lay down - it's very rare for animals to be living on fields in nature on a farm these days. The goal is to make them all bigger and fatter so that there is more meat to take and more space. To do this they load them with drugs and feed them CORN.. cows are meant to eat grass not corn.. but corn makes them fat, but it also creates an un-healthy cow so then they have diseases and are sick so then the "farmers" load them with anti-biotics and medicine to treat the illness. This is where e coli and salmonella come into the picture. So if you take a look at this we aren't ever eating lean healthy meat.. its fat meat filled with drugs, pesticides, parasites, anti-biotics, steroids.. these too are going into our system! We should be eating healthy happy cows that are naturally created. And the chickens are the most sickening to me, because of the drugs they grow extremely quickly and get 3 times the size they are naturally so their little legs cant even hold them up.. they take a few steps and plop on the ground and some of them die in the process because their organs cant keep up with the rapid growth.

Second of all, why is this all hidden from us?! We deserve to know what we are eating. America needs to be educated on this stuff. It has turned into a nasty little cycle. America doesn't know better so they buy fast food, microwavable foods, etc because it's way cheaper then buying vegetables and fruit, right? So then they gain weight, then comes obesity and health problems like diabetes, cancer, digestive problems, etc.. so then they have to buy medicine which these days in America costs a FORTUNE.. so on top of already having a tight budget they now have to pay for all of these health costs and medical bills which just pushes them even more to keep buying McDonalds dollar menu. Their diet has very low nutrients and is full of pesticides, preservatives, etc which makes them hungrier all the time because the body needs nutrients to get energy, so not only are they nutrient difficiant, but they going to be tired all the time.. which makes the body hungry again.. this creates obesity, then health problems, then financial problems, then more cheap bad food.. this cycle continues over and over again through out America & guess what I think the government is doing it on purpose! They are making so much money off of the process!

If this process is bad for us & the animals why do we do it? We can make a difference.. if we the customers are demanding and purchasing organic and health foods and lean meats then the companies are going to be demanding these kinds of foods to sell to us. Everyone should do their research, I am not saying you should stop eating meat, but you should stop purchasing the animals that are filled with medications and steroids and fed corn rather then greens and aren't mass produced.. it will be more expensive, but in the long run will save you & your family money.

I recommend Trader Joes or any other health food type of stores and doing some research online for some healthier versions of your favorite foods. We have control over this not the government.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Vain World.

I feel like this industry has really bruised me, I am constantly being told I am too "fat",  I need to tone up, my teeth are crooked, I am not tall enough, I am too tall, I have no boobs.. the list goes on and on. The fact is no matter what I do to myself in this business I will never be perfect because no one knows what perfect is. Clients all want different things and different bodies/looks, etc. I have learned to analyze everyone's bodies and looks even my own in a negative way as if everyone was a model. This world I live in is very tough. Imagine living in a house surrounded by only models, going to castings being surrounded by ONLY models.. of course your going to always catch yourself comparing to them. Being surrounded by only beautiful people on a regular basis is depressing.. You instantly always feel at the bottom of the list.

I grew up being told I was "beautiful" every day..  Most girls were jealous, I knew every guy liked me.. I tried to deny it, but it was the truth. Growing up in a small town being tall, skinny, & pretty - I sort of stuck out in the crowd and got a lot of attention for it. Moving away from home to a big city like LA or traveling to Bangkok for modeling - I was hit with a big reality check.. there are LOTS of beautiful girls in this world and A LOT more of them are better looking then you! & I thought I was skinny?!!!! not compared to these girls! I tried competing with them, trying to loose weight, eat less, work out.. change my diet.. & everything I have tried I have lost no more then 5lbs and have never weighed less then 115lb. I promised myself I would never develop an eating disorder, which I still have not to this day.. but I have tried every healthy way to loose the weight and it always comes down to "just don't eat".. which I refuse. I have come from the most confident girl around town to feeling like a little fat and ugly girl.

I hate to whine and cry because I chose to be apart of this industry and I do love it, but the pressure is TOUGH! If your not born naturally a tiny twig, modeling is not the right route at least for Fashion. I have finally come to realization of how much this has affected me over the last couple years. I used to walk in a room and shine because I was happy & confident and now I just feel sometimes as if I lost my shine and sparkle.

So now to gain it back I come to some closure with myself that..
1. I will NEVER be a high fashion runway model walking for Gucci.
2. I will never be as skinny as majority of models, I have some curve I gotta learn to love it.
3. I am special in my own way and so are those girls.. our differences are what make us unique.

Knowing these facts I have decided to do things for myself that I think will help me regain my shine. I am going to grow my hair back out long, get a little bit of a tan, work-out, healthy diet, pamper myself, eat everything I want in moderation, & enjoy LIFE looking how I want to look & feeling how any young woman should feel! It's all about accepting yourself for who you really are.

SO good to get this all off my chest.. now some things I love about myself that I wouldn't change for anything...
I love my freckles, my thick hair, my bum:), my legs, my back dimples, the arch in my spine, my high arched feet, my skinny long fingers, my green cat shaped eyes, my perfectly pink lips..
These are things that make me special! I am grateful for what I have & blessed to have the looks I do compared to majority of people. I am happy to work on myself and better myself, but I am also going to enjoy life and not pretend I am a army captain over every detail. I am only young once so I would like to enjoy it and be happy with the skin I am in.

I am also going to look into & work towards another career goal. For me being told I am "beautiful" isn't too big of a compliment anymore, I would much rather people tell me I am "wise" & "smart" and have them respect me and look up to me. I need a more inspirational and powerful job then just being a model. SO here I am on my next chapter of life ....